Monday, April 30, 2007

I cried when I read
And realised why you did, too
I felt the pain
The sadness
The longing that you had.

And I wished that I was there for you.

I wish I could turn back time
Make up for all the things I could have done
Sit beside you and talk when I could
Give you a hug
Lend you a shoulder
An arm for you to slip yours through, that's what you always did.

Cos now I can't.

And perhaps this is Life's way of telling me
Maybe even mocking me
For always not cherishing what I have
For not bothering...
Until it's snatched away.

The long phone calls we had
When I listened when you hurt
We could have had more of that
If only I'd done more
If only I'd put in more effort.

But I didn't.

And now I know what it means to truly be helpless
To care so much, to feel all that
Yet be able to do nothing.
I don't know what to say
To 'make things right'.

So all I can do is stand by the side
Thank God for others you have to lean on..
Read, read, do nothing but read about your life
Hope and pray that everything turns out right
For you, for those you love so much.

I'm sorry for all the coulda woulda shoulda's..
But although I can't, I know God is with you always..
And you'll always be in my heart, dear Buddy.
Love you.

-blessed
6:31 PM

3 words: OH MY WORD

Last night was Phantom Of The Opera!!!!!
And yes, it was ohmyword to OOTGR and the musical :D
Shan't post any photos cos I didn't take any, anyways the photos are all on Mich's, Sheena's and Yuannnnnn's blogs :P

We'd arranged to meet at 5 but most of us turned up at 530++, ahem ahem, SOMEONE who said she'd come early to jump around ended up coming at about.... 6pm?? Haha. And then after we'd all settled down Mich announced that the musical was only gonna start at 8pm! OH well, that made for more time to go made with OOTGR; though it meant going home at 11+pm! yechhs.

Thai Express was yumms! Ate beef noodles again cos it seemed the most harmless and it was nice anyways, and promptly earned myself the nickname of BEEF NOODLE when the waitress came with my food and she went, 'Beef noodles?' and immediately (because I was SO hungry) I responded, 'Yup, here!' So FISHBALL had the fantastic idea to christen me with the name for the rest of the night. Although it was only 7/9 of us, (Jo and Jia are overseas) we still had LOADS of fun! Bringing up past memories that still got everyone in stitches, ahem, yes, that particular incident in Gold Coast.. o.O Talking about school and friends.. Ah I love OOTGR! It's been 6 years (We were formed in Sec 2?? But the name only came about in Sec 4) but we're still the same, still having fun! :D :D :D Whoever suggested watching POTO, kudos to you! :)

Phantom was fantastic. The singing was quite good (though Nads was going on about the blending of the chorus gals at the start and I personally didn't like Christine's voice alot cos it had so much vibrato! Madame Giry's daughter's voice was nicer, imo.), the sets and the orchestra were SUPERB!!!! Totally didn't expect the opening scene, when the curtains were speedily pulled away to reveal the golden pillars and the chandeliar went swinging right up! WOW. Flashing lights and all too. Yuannie was so excited she gripped my arm! Haha.. and Shee passed chocs around. :P

It was almost like we were watching a magic show at some parts, cos the Phantom would disappear into NOWHERE and we were all left wondering where he went! Or when the monkey box thingy starting playing OUT OF THE BLUE.. Haha.. Ahhh I really enjoyed myself. The fact that we'd paid only $52 made the whole musical extremely worthwhile!! The orchestra was timed perfectly with the cast's singing, dancing and every step, like when the Phantom slowly strutted down the stairs.

And now, special mention goes to........ Daddy's BINOCULARS!

Oh yes, how the girls laughed and made fun of me and the poor little BINO when it was revealed at dinnertime that I'd brought a pair! But I'm really glad I heeded Pearlyn's advice cos it was greatly needed during the musical! And EVERY SINGLE ONE OF US used it too! Haha.. Sheepish yet grateful looks all around when intermission came. :P It's ok, I still love you all. :P

We bino-ed the apparently chio conductor, Raoul's handsome features, exclaimed over how we thought the Christine in the movie was prettier, the Phantom's scarily deformed face and the sets! The bino was our best friend yesterday. And someone even bino-ed an uncle just to prove she wasn't the most 'lok kok' one around! Hahahahha...

I was awed at how the cast could multitask! Like the Phantom crawling (belly-crawling, not crawling on knees, mind you!) and singing, Raoul tiptoeing cos the rope was so high and around his neck and singing, among others! That's real skill. And either Christine is really short, or the Phantom and Raoul are just really tall; cos Christine only reached their chest-level! o.O

AWW.. I had fun I had fun I had fun! Ok a night out with OOTGR and I get incoherent. I'm actually half hoping I don't find work by next week so I can go back to SN with them! Shorts-buying day, anyone? And of course, the MEGA REUNION. Haha.. I feel like we're all in a committee again, only this time Shee's chairing! Her excitement for all the planning is just infectious. :D

Alrights, off to finish up on SOJ stuff now.. and to quote Sheena:

I heart OOTGR!

:)

-blessed
2:05 PM

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

The bottle of gold stars shee and I so happily clutched in our hands, MY coke bottle, though the stars are new ones.. having been replenished by the blue tags.

We visited choir on monday, sitting around like dodobirds not knowing anyone.. and the conductor was so pissed off with them giving her what she termed a silver sound that she didn't intro us! Eeks. Plan A gone awry. So Plan B came into action. Went to approach a few juniors and struck up conversations with them.. hhaha the red tag pres is nice! The legacy lives on.. :D

So anyway yesterday I was at home frantically converting scores from paper to digital form via Sibelius when an sms came: gold with honours!

*SCREAMS*

Only I couldn't do that at home cos there was just me.. and my dad. So it would be RATHER silly screaming and running all around the house on my own. I was immediately transported to 4 years back.. when we got that GOLD we so badly wanted.. and yeah sheena said it right, we've come so far! from a silver to gold and now.. with honours.. wow... I really didn't expect it, (though when they sang on monday I had goosebumps) but it's the most plesant surprise one can ever have. We're in the top league now!!! ahhh hard to imagine.

Very proud of them. And the ootgr-ians were all smsing one another in joy after results yesterday. I so can't wait for Sunday! (yes, we'll all scream together :D) Oh yeah btw shee, what you said about having a dominant clique in every batch? I'm starting to think you're right. Read some juniors' blogs yesterday and oh yeah, they have huge choir cliques too! haha.. :P

Thank God for the GWH.. I'm still super happy as I type this! Let's pray that we continue to maintain the standard.. I love st nicks! :D

-blessed
1:29 PM

Saturday, April 21, 2007

went out with sam ytd to get bran's present.. talk about being task focused.
i didn't do any shopping for myself can! a-mazing, considering that i saw so many potential things i could have gotten.
or maybe i wasn't in a super shopping mood yet. so who wants to go shopping???? i know what i need to get. :D

anyways, the nice cuz treated me to fried mars bars with ice cream!!!! YUMMY.
it was so nice.. super sinful, but oh, the glorious taste of it hitting your tongue is.. simple superb. :D
of course, it's only meant to be eaten once in a big, blue moon.

went to drop by wheelock to check out nike.. yes i still haven't used the voucher from er... 3 years ago? good thing it has no expiry date. *phew* and at the same time we visited momo at the mac shop! haha... mr. dao initially didn't even want to acknowledge our presence la! hmpfs. apparently too many people have visited him.. haha, kinda awkward for him trying to work too huh? then sam n i had dinner at pepper lunch! right.. that sounds rather weird. aaand then i headed home, and he headed out to meet other friends. what an active nightlife! :P

today we went to bran's place to celebrate his birthday, a belated celebration though. the poor birthday boy had to set up the bbq himself! of course, he had the help of sam and his dad but once the food got cooking more went to help him.. good people yes. :D

then while eating, we played some games cos if not, we would just sit and stone.. how unproductive. sam, joel n jon introduced this 'sa!' game where if you want to reverse the flow of the 'sa' you have to go 'fan-___' (insert your own funny sound) and so it got us all into fits of laughter esp when certain people couldn't make certain sounds properly.. hahaha! that was definitely fun. :D then i taught em how to play 'yeehaw!'- a game i'd learnt during ftb camp but i modified the reverse flow term cos well.... it was just too crude.. i'd never said it before while playing the game and i didn't intend to start or teach the others gross terms! and that was fun too, esp the modified 'SHOWDOWN AT SHANGHAI NOON!' cos we went bang-bang mad :D

oh by the way, i ran today!!!!!! wooots. great accomplishment considering i haven't run since... last year? or was it the year before last. but it was a good feeling. think i'll go for more laps next time. went to sit at the swing in the bottle tree park after running.. and it was just so peaceful! hearing the occasional rumble of the mrt train, the ongoing construction, watching the ripples in the pond, a few people opposite doing their own morning exercises.. ah i love having the morning to myself. :)

-blessed
1:41 AM

Thursday, April 19, 2007

i have CHANGED MY BLOGSKIN! yesh.
and only used about an hour. hoorayys!
the pic is my own too, wahaha the wonders of tracing where people get their pictures from..
too bad i don't know how to change the colour of the tagboard, but no matter, some colour in a black and white blog. :D :D :D

HAPPINESS.

-blessed
12:19 PM

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

on monday, sam, ele, jer, pearl n i went to the ZOO for fun. these are the people who are on hols/ have graduated/ waiting for school to start.







a shot of the crazy people i hang around with in school.. (note the absolute lack of gals, argh.) and yeo ain't even in the photo! haha...

the dears that i'll be watching phantom with! ahh can't wait! it's been ages since we all met up. :D ootgr in the chopin room.. ah our many meetings there.. i remember the pipagao, scores and big bottle of gold stars we kept in the drawers/ cupboard behind... mrs koh's drawing of a person's mouth and throat on the board.. the announcements each practice.. tingling standing ard collecting fines.. even mrs koh making us sing in pairs to select the descants of ascendit! ah, fond memories.. :)

and to the grandpa who's always been there: thank you for listening to my rants, for being sensible yet empathetic, for dishing out advice, for being there when i needed it, for never failing to cheer me up, for always taking care of me like a real grandpa/ big brother/ super friend rolled into one would. you're priceless! :)

-blessed
11:22 PM

Sunday, April 15, 2007

ha well, am feeling much better about things.

i can't say i understand fully, but i understand better now, and even if i don't i'm placing it into God's Hands. i still miss you all, but we'll meet up yeah! :)


and from the last post suddenly i got flooded with tags!


wow. feel really blessed that i've got friends who're there for me in my time of need, thank God for blessing me with people around who care. thank you guys! :)


was chatting with the SPEECH KING on friday and i realized that he's really nice to talk to, and really encouraging too! how nice to have like-minded people around you in school.. :) so anyway he sent me this pic after i'd remarked that his dp (ha, display pic!) was really nice!

indeed, nothing can separate us from the love of God! how comforting that mere thought is..

and this is something which is waay overdue, but just wanted to praise God for the successful running of Connection 33:3!

thank God for my worship team who stuck with me through thick and thin, who endured our many practices and countless rehearsals of the same 7 songs.. (amazingly we never grew tired of them) i still remember the initial reactions when we started in late jan/early feb.. "huh, starting so early? we have so much time!" but in the end it was a wise decision to do so, our hard work paid off, and we did a really excellent job on the big day! i was, and still am, very proud of each and every member of the worship team.. for seeing our efforts come to fruition.. even though on the day itself there threatened to be hiccups: martin's guitar sounding wonky as time drew nearer to the actual event, gid's broken guitar strings, wonky mikes.. but in the end God came through for us, and everything went well! thank God for bran who came and helped with the guitar business.. really thankful he was around if not grandpa would be really overtaxed! :P

thank God for the emcees, who practised their scripts dutifully before the event, aud for performing all the lame stunts hahah.. jon for never failing to be deadpan :P for accepting my 'advice' and gamely leading the event though it was their first time! great job, you two. :)

thank God for the 3 guys in the skit, and chris and ele who guided them through! even though they were trying so hard to contain their laughter during the rehearsal, and jonjon's eye was suspiciously swollen, and will told me he was increasingly nervous as the time drew near.. in the end everything went so well! i really enjoyed watching the skit, especially the funny bits, everything was well executed. :D

thank God for the logistics team who made sure all the props were moved around smoothly, for jerry who operated the lights, for ele who did the stagelights and always making sure we in the spotlight were comfortable..

thank God for the admin and publicity team, for pasting all the 'posters' around church, for decorating the church SO SUPER NICELY, for staying back till so late to paint all the stuff, hang up the cds, etc.. you guys made the main sanctuary look soooooooo nice! :D :D

thank God for our cheery ushers who made the visitors feel welcome, so being so enthu... for showing them your beeeeg smiles :D and of course thank God for grandpa who 'oversaw' the entire event from start to end, it wasn't an easy job at all, but you made it! and God was in control. most definitely, thank God for enthusiastic people. i was so amazed when practically everyone did the actions and sang along.. i even saw pearl, josh and clara jumping at the back, having fun! God never ceases to amaze me. thank YOU all who brought friends.. so 'friendless' people like me got to know more friends! HAHAHA... :P

Psalm 77:7-15

"Will the Lord reject forever? Will He never show His favour again? Has His unfailing love vanished forever? Has His promise failed for all time? Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has He in anger withheld His compassion?"

Then I thought, "To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High."

I will remember the deeds of the Lord; yes, I will remember Your miracles of long ago. I will meditate on all your words and consider all your mighty deeds. Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God? You are the God who performs miracles; You display Your power among the peoples. With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, the descendents of Jacob and Joseph.

-blessed
11:19 PM

Tuesday, April 10, 2007

i need an outlet, and this is mine. ah, the conveniences of technology. so don't mind me.




why does it have to be done this way?

friends that i grew up with.
friends i thought would always be there.
are You trying to tell me that i'm complacent, that i shouldn't assume and take what You've given me for granted?
is this only the beginning of more things to come?

my mind is all muddled up, everytime i think of this issue my heart aches.
and i can't concentrate on anything else.
am i not supposed to feel this way?
Lord, how do i trust You when it's so hard?
when i don't understand why things are happening this way?
Lord how can i give thanks when i see all this...

i want to be mature,
i want to be strong,
i want to be rational and calm,
but i'm overwhelmed.
i'm lost.

the face is a mask.
i try not to think too much.
but the heart, the heart cannot hide its pain...
the heart is shielded from the world, and that's how and why, only the heart is real.
the heart. that only You can see.

i cannot let go.
i cannot, i cannot say i give it up.
i know it'll be easier if i just let go. but how?
God, i can't help but play tug-of-war with You. i can't...

-blessed
11:26 PM

Sunday, April 08, 2007

i still don't understand why.
and i can't get it out of my system.

why?

-blessed
8:30 PM